The Chefs of Doom
by scifigeekgirl
Summary: TenII and his son decide to make dinner for Rose. Things do not go well.


a/n: Please note that I post all of my stories on LiveJournal and A Teaspoon and an Open Mind (whofic .com ) under the username: Kelkat9. I will finish ongoing projects on Fanfic but won't be publishing too much else here. I also have a tumblr under Kelkat9. If you have questions on my stories or where to find me, please PM me :) I posted this on LJ a while ago but not here so I thought I would add it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who

All was quiet and peaceful in the pristine kitchen. The glossy granite countertops had nary a spot on them and the appliances gleamed as if new. This immaculate utopia was about to be invaded by the most dangerous of creatures, a Time Lord Meta Crisis on a mission accompanied by his most innocent but brave assistant.

The door burst open and in walked the tall spiky brown-haired Doctor dressed in his favorite brown pinstriped suit and white trainers followed by an equally spiky brown-haired six year old version of himself, except dressed in jeans, a light blue polo and blue trainers. The Doctor clapped his hands and rubbed them together in excited glee.

"Now then my boy, Mum has been delayed by that most fearsome of creatures, your Nana on a shopping expedition," he said and shuddered. "So, it's up to us to whip up some grub, cook dinner, prepare an epicurean feast!" The boy just stared up at him with his mother's honey-colored eyes concerned at the manic expression on his father's face.

"Right-O! Let's see what we have to work with!" the Doctor said and strode purposely to the refrigerator. He and his son opened the door and like so many males before them, became completely and utterly entranced by that mystical world contained within. After an appropriate amount of time studying the contents and much "hmmming" and "ooooing," a decision was reached. A white paper package was removed and tossed onto the counter. The Doctor's arms were soon filled with various vegetables and a jar of red curry paste. He set everything down and sent his son on an expedition to the pantry to retrieve the remainder of the ingredients for the delectable meal he had planned.

The boy, with his arms filled with all assortment of spices and canned goods, returned to his father who whisked everything away from him and arranged the various items on the counter.

"Now then, first step, we have to look the part. Can't be a genius chef without the gear!" the Doctor explained and pulled out two bright blue chef's aprons. One said "Trust Me I'm a Doctor" and the other one said "Mummy and Daddy's Greatest Invention." Each of the Chefs or "Cooks of Doom" as they would soon be known, tied on the aprons. The Doctor pulled a stool over for his young apprentice and began pulling bowls, tossing in ingredients, occasionally juggling a few pantry items and dancing around sonicing things all the while babbling away to his son about how they made this dish on Festoosus V.

When the final ingredient was tossed into the glass container, the lid firmly soniced on, the young apprentice decided he should make every attempt to stop this now before they were overrun by some animated ingredient, or the scent of such feast called down an alien invasion to plummet the Earth. "Um Dad, maybe we should wait until Mum gets here before we cook it. That way it'll be warm whenever she arrives," he suggested hopefully.

"Oh no, no, no! She'd try and stop us! We need to do this on our own and prove to your Mum that we are Chefs de Cuisine. Yes, we are going to surprise her with this delicious, mouth watering gourmet meal so she can never again, accuse me of being useless in the kitchen, or ban me from touching the appliances 'cos of one little explosion. Besides after we finish this, there's dessert. Don't worry, we can always heat it up with the sonic," he said, brandishing the sonic before him like a magic wand. His son slumped in defeat and hopped off the stool as his father walked determinedly toward the microwave.

"Oh no," the boy whispered, as he watched the Doctor open the door to the microwave, place the covered glass casserole dish inside and begin staring intently at the buttons.

"Let's see here, Auto Defrost, Timer, Cook, Popcorn, Beverage? Blimey, who thinks of this stuff. I mean if it's smart enough to cook popcorn, it should sense when Curry ala Festoosus has reached optimum cooking temperature. Well, we'll start of with these buttons here," he said as he madly punched buttons and the microwave activated. "There now, see, I am fully capable of operating a primitive twenty-first century cooking device," he said cockily to his son. "Of course, it's a bit rubbish that it takes this long. Don't know why your Mum won't let me make it a little more sonic," he said, shaking his head and walking over to lean against the counter next to his son who looked up at him nervously.

After a little while, he grew bored as he was want to do. Even playing a little recreational maths with his offspring wasn't quite enough to deter him from the plan quickly formulating in his big Time Lord brain. He sighed and looked at the boy who had just finished a two page calculation and was grinning proudly at his father. "Oh, you are brilliant!," his father told him, right before he turned to the microwave. He walked over and stared at it, thumping his sonic against his temple. He turned back to his son who was inching his way backward toward the door knowing the look in his father's eyes meant something bad was about to happen. When the boy thought "bad," he meant his mother's definition of bad. In other words, "Run 'cos Dad's about to explode something."

"I think this microwave needs a bit of help," the Doctor said, grinning and rocking back on the balls of his feet. He looked back over his shoulder at his son one more time. "Now, this is just between us, being manly men and all. You know bloke's don't tell on blokes, right?"

Although he felt like beating his head against the wall knowing they were both doomed, he nodded his head like a good, loyal son. After all, Mum would more than likely blame his father and hold him innocent. Maybe, he would even get a new chemistry set or better yet, a trip to the Torchwood artifact room out of this," he mused silently, as his father began sonicing the microwave.

"Ha!" his father yelled in triumph as the microwave began making a noise no microwave should make. His father was grinning with glee, bouncing up and down with excitement. Then, it all turned pear shaped. "Oh, oh it's not s'pose to do that," the Doctor called out, as he began tugging at his hair. The entire microwave glowed blue and the Doctor madly soniced it trying to get control. Finally, he backed up, grabbed his son's hand and yelled, "Run!"

The explosion shook the entire house and blew out all the windows. A noxious, foul odor permeated the house along with a bluish black smoke that set off the smoke detectors. The two miscreant chefs stood staring in fascination at the remnants of what was once a kitchen. The door was missing and the door frame was warped and slightly melted. The interior of the kitchen looked like something out of a Salvador Dali painting. The Doctor looked down at his son who was mesmerized by the glowing, blue glob that used to be a microwave.

"Well son, the moral of this story is…" Before he could finish, Rose burst into the house wincing at the stench and waving her hand before her face. She made it closer to where the Doctor and her beloved, innocent son stood. "Are you all right?" she asked worried. She soon found herself with an arm full of exuberant boy.

"Welcome home, Mum! We missed you," he said, looking at her with eyes that pleaded "don't blame me. He's the Time Lord." Rose squatted down and hugged her son fiercely, happy he was unharmed and then she looked over at very guilty looking Doctor who was slowly backing out of the room.

"Hold it right there Mister! You're not goin' anywhere," she said, as she stood up and marched toward what used to be her kitchen. She looked inside and her face contorted into confusion and something bordering on disgust. She sighed and turned to the Time Lord who was nervously tugging at his ear. "And thus we have the reason you are forever banished from ever touchin' any kitchen appliances," she said, arms crossed and an eyebrow cocked. He smiled sheepishly, hands in pockets. "Yes, but you love me anyway, right?"

She shook her head and looked down at her son. "Daddy's a bit of nutter but we love him anyway. Come on, let's go get some chips while your Dad cleans up," she said and took the boy by the hand led him out the door. The boy was quite content. After all, it's not every day you watch the kitchen explode and get to go out for chips with your Mum as a reward for surviving cooking with your father.


End file.
